What’s the deal?? (Warning: An honest rant about vomit and other things)

So feeling kind of sick all day yesterday manifested itself into a night of being really “sick”. I’m beyond grossed out by myself these days. I know some of you judge me as “always sick” I see you shake your heads, I hear the comments. Do you think that I don’t try to maintain some kind of health??!! In fact until I moved out of my parent’s house I was always the healthy one. Does eight years without puking mean anything?? I guess not. I know I can take some responsibility for my health, I mean it’s pretty obvious my standard of living has gone way down in the last 2 years. However, I can’t help feeling like some of it is out of my control. For one, I just don’t have the means to live like I used to. I guess another one of my wishes apart from being healthy is to be able to afford to be healthy. As much as I love it, it would be nice to be able to eat something other than cream of wheat for a change. I think I also need to consider the influence stress has on my health. My coping strategies in this area seem to be significantly lacking, but I’m working on it. So what else can I do? I try to get enough sleep, throw a handful of craisins into my cream of wheat, drink lots of water and I don’t party too hard. I refuse to resign myself to being sickly, I just hope that once I’m finished school and move on with my life that I can settle into some kind of health routine. Another eight years would actually be great.

Something else that I want to put out there and get feedback on is this: what is the purpose of a blog?
Talking to Chris last week he said that he thought a blog should be something that reveals someone’s inner thoughts and feelings. For myself, I couldn’t disagree more. The last thing I should be doing is putting what I think, feel and fear out onto the internet for everyone to read. I need to have some kind of control over who has access to my privacy. I have several reasons for this, my need for clear boundaries at this stage in my life is one. I am trying very hard to draw the line between public, personal and private. Anything that falls into the public category is fair game on my blog, and now and then I might say something personal. This program seems to work for me and I know it applies to a lot of you as well. I enjoy browsing your guys’ blogs and seeing what you’ve been up to lately. It seems to be a good tool for keeping in touch with people you don’t see regularly. But what is private for me, for now, stays private. In the past I’ve been far too open about things that should have been kept very quiet. Kind of along those lines, I just want to say that one thing I absolutely cannot stand (in other people and in myself) is when one is cryptic. Seriously, just say what you mean!! And if you don’t want to say anything at all, say that. Comments that dodge around the bush and only cause confusion are completely ridiculous and childish. So, if I tell anyone to mind their own business in the next little while, don’t take it personally (and I’ll say it more nicely than that) just give me my space, I’m trying to act like an adult. And if you’re going to play cryptic word games, I’ll just stop talking to you. For those of you that put everything out there on your blog, I can totally respect that. If you receive release and support by doing that, that’s excellent. I personally will just be looking for support in another direction.

I apologize if I sound weird, cold, or bitchy today; I’m really not trying to. I’ve maybe been a little angry lately, but that’s linked to a bunch of stuff that I’m not going to get into. If I offend anyone lately, please just let me know, it’s not intentional and I want to make amends.